I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I need to calm my uterus...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
