Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You're so nebulous sometimes
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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