I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize