i barfeds in our rink
That's when you crack a 10am beer
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
