She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
