I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
