I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im holly from the hills drunk
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize