never play flip cup with pint glasses
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
