I wanna passion pit in your ass
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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