The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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