dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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