What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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