3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
