you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
