listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
