i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
