why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize