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I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
