So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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