I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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