I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he fucked my hip out of place.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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