R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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