actually, I'm a sock model
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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