You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize