I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize