We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
