We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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