man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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