I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
