You just made me feel so damn special
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
