your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
