I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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