Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
