Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
