Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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