i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
