I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
