Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
