I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
