she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
