I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
