He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize