When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
