guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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