I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
