we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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