thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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