Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
