I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
