Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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