Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
