I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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