Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize