oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we're making bets on your personal life
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
