2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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