dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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