he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize