Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
