she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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