I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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