I think I died a long time ago.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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