There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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