Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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