Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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