Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
its not stalking. its research.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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