i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize