so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
