forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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