before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's shark week go big or go home
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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