on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
