i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
