When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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