We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize