I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
