if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
