I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I supernannyed him into submission
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
