I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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