He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
