that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
