And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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