don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
