It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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