I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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