when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
