Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My first STD was from a foam party
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
