Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize