I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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