2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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