Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
