im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
