if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
