You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
