summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
