thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize