just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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