You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
