Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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