And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
