i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
