i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize