ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
