sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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