Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
