Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
