Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
