Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
