her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
