Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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