I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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