It's a beautiful day for a hangover
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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