I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
