the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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