and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
