I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
