there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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