i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
