You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Randomize
